Dear Auntie DD

Dear Auntie DD,

I’ve been seeing this guy, and things seem to be going well, but he only wants to see me really late at night. How do I know if I’m just a booty call, or whether he might be a vampire?

Sincerely,
Late nights in London

Dear Late Nights in London,

To determine if you’ve captured the fancy of a member of the undead, I recommend using what I like to call The Bard’s Bloody Test.

Are you familiar with the excellent quote, “By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes” from Shakespeare’s MacBeth? Here’s a case where the words should be taken quite literally. While your new beau’s guard is down, i.e. his libido is up from kisses and various petting, you surreptitiously prick your thumb with a pin or the tip of a trusty Swiss Army Knife attached to your key chain. (The Swiss are so handy, aren’t they?) If your new love is unable to resist sucking the lovely red drop from your thumb and continues drawing more and more blood out like he’s sucking venom from a snakebite in an old Western, alas, vampire.

Sincerely,
Auntie DD

Auntie DD is our agony aunt in residence for all those awkward questions our dear characters so like to struggle with.